I am still amazed every time I watch my kids go in opposite directions. You would think I would be used to it by now as they are turning 21 and 18 this year but I'm not. Last night waiting for the announcement from LeBron of where he's going this was the scenario.
20 (Mr. party all the time, be 'where it's at', don't I look great, status conscious, old soul, personally always broke yet theoretically fiscally conservative and socially liberal and amazingly traditional) was sitting at home glued to the TV and his state of the art Blackberry checking tweets and updates yet praying that he chooses to stay in Cleveland because this is Wade County and Wade's House.
17 (Mr. love to be the center of attention, cheapskate, no labels please, plain is great, young at heart & to the core, faithful, go with the flow, class clown, personally fiscally conservative and yet theoretically fiscally and socially liberal) was at a political rally for Rick Scott, a Republican gubernatorial candidate hoping and praying that the dream team be completed in Miami with the coming of The King. His last year's model (but bought this year on the cheap) Blackberry was in his pocket as he was huddled to a friend's iPhone to watch The Decision.
Moments before the announcement:
17 finds out the news because at his rally the Heat owner's attorney is there and he got a text from the owner saying 'he's coming' and it was announced at the rally to up roaring cheers BEFORE the announcement by LeBron on TV. 20 is getting confirmation of speculation that he must be coming because this announcement is 'on Cuban time'. LOL!
The Announcement:
20, head in his hands, is furiously tapping away and communicating with friends to confirm a party that was just waiting for the announcement to be over to get started as he mumbles to himself that he can't believe this at the same time giving props to Riley for getting it done. He's moving on not happy but consoles himself with the fact that more Heat games will now be on TV so he can see them more in NY while at school. 17 is making plans to attend the whatever is happening tomorrow at The Arena or wherever because he's going to be a part of this even if he can't get to a game because the tickets were sold out earlier in the morning not that he would have bought any because they were too expensive.
Later that evening:
20 is partying with friends at someone's house waiting for it to be late enough to go to the club in SOBE. 17 is LIVE on Channel 10 with his buddies jumping up and down screaming and yelling about LeBron in the parking lot of a local restaurant on a street corner in SW Miami where they pulled over because they saw a TV truck. He's spending the night at a friend's house so they can save time in the morning by not having to come pick him up to go downtown and 'be at the arena'.
The next morning:
17 is going to the arena not that they know if anything is happening or when but they are going to hang out there and see. They have their phones and will keep updated and go wherever the whatever is happening. He's hoping that they will give out free stuff and they can some. 20 is sleeping but will get up and go to the gym and then maybe the beach. He wants a Wade County t-shirt but wants me to buy it because he's broke.
These boys just crack me up. If we wouldn't have been at the births and had photographic proof that they are both ours and therefore brothers, you wouldn't know it. :)
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Friday, July 09, 2010
Monday, December 07, 2009
TCO or Only in Miami...
A TCO is a Typical Cuban Operation and its what I (read: my family) refers to as things you can find only in Miami....
This past week a local ethnic market had a grand opening near my home and had some fabulous sales. I mean they had things on BOGO (Buy One, Get One Free) that I have never seen before: milk, coffee etc.
So, I tell hubby he should go by on the way home from work to just get a handful of things. That was Wednesday, he couldn't even park the truck, almost got in an accident and said there were even cops there to help with the traffic. He gave up after 20 minutes and came home.
So, we wrote a short list and gave 20 the credit card and he would go during the day. That was Thursday. His attempt was in the afternoon before picking me up from work. He gave up after 15 minutes of searching for a parking space.
His second attempt was on Friday. He was there early (by 9:30) and sent me a text: Does this place ever close? Says it took him a while but he did finally park. As he was walking to the storefront he saw a large group of people standing around and thought to himself OMG there cannot be a line to get in this place, that's ridiculous. As he got closer he realized they were standing at the exit door and couldn't understand why. He thought they were nuts and proceeded to enter the store. He looked around, there were no carts. Light bulb moment: that's why they are standing at the exit to follow people to their car and get their cart. He doesn't have that patience or time so he proceeds to the fruit and vegetable section to get the BOGO lettuce puts in the plastic veggie bag. Gets another bag to put in the plantains which are 10/.99. He how has 2 bags and heads to the milk section which he thought would be by the juice but not in this store. He finally finds it and grabs 2 gallons; again BOGO. In one hand he's carrying 2 gallons of milk and in the other he has 2 bags one with lettuce and the other plantains. He now goes the to vino seco which is also BOGO, scans the shelves, sees some are in plastic bottles - cool, dang those are on sale. The sale ones are glass. No fear he bought more bags. He puts everything down on the floor to bag the 2 bottles and picks up the milk and the plantains and the lettuce is gone. He looks around. OMG, someone stole his lettuce. He goes back to the veggies, gets lettuce again and notices that what he had grabbed as plantains were actually green bananas. He leaves the bananas and looks at a group of grandmas hovering the plantain section. He walks over and they are grabbing the last ones. The other stand there arms crossed to wait fro more to come out. He's outta there. No plantains for us today. He now goes to the coffee and bags 2 of those. In all of this he is seeing men walking around with stacks of meat on their shoulders, women with carts that have mountains of groceries that defy gravity. He's amazed at the chaos and the shouting going on amongst the shoppers and this is the child who goes Black Friday shopping.
He heads to the registers with his bag of lettuce, bag of coffee in one hand, bag of vino seco under his arm and 2 gallons of milk in the other hand. He figures its a toss up which register will move any faster than the other.
The checkout line crawls because the conveyor belt isn't long enough to hold all the purchases to empty the cart to refill with the bagged groceries. More yelling and chaos there. The person in front of him is a tad hard of hearing and the exchange between the cashier and patron is hard to not laugh at.
He finally gets home with his purchases and after we wipe the tears from our face from laughing so hard at his story he hopes we NEVER send him there again.
Too much fun!
This past week a local ethnic market had a grand opening near my home and had some fabulous sales. I mean they had things on BOGO (Buy One, Get One Free) that I have never seen before: milk, coffee etc.
So, I tell hubby he should go by on the way home from work to just get a handful of things. That was Wednesday, he couldn't even park the truck, almost got in an accident and said there were even cops there to help with the traffic. He gave up after 20 minutes and came home.
So, we wrote a short list and gave 20 the credit card and he would go during the day. That was Thursday. His attempt was in the afternoon before picking me up from work. He gave up after 15 minutes of searching for a parking space.
His second attempt was on Friday. He was there early (by 9:30) and sent me a text: Does this place ever close? Says it took him a while but he did finally park. As he was walking to the storefront he saw a large group of people standing around and thought to himself OMG there cannot be a line to get in this place, that's ridiculous. As he got closer he realized they were standing at the exit door and couldn't understand why. He thought they were nuts and proceeded to enter the store. He looked around, there were no carts. Light bulb moment: that's why they are standing at the exit to follow people to their car and get their cart. He doesn't have that patience or time so he proceeds to the fruit and vegetable section to get the BOGO lettuce puts in the plastic veggie bag. Gets another bag to put in the plantains which are 10/.99. He how has 2 bags and heads to the milk section which he thought would be by the juice but not in this store. He finally finds it and grabs 2 gallons; again BOGO. In one hand he's carrying 2 gallons of milk and in the other he has 2 bags one with lettuce and the other plantains. He now goes the to vino seco which is also BOGO, scans the shelves, sees some are in plastic bottles - cool, dang those are on sale. The sale ones are glass. No fear he bought more bags. He puts everything down on the floor to bag the 2 bottles and picks up the milk and the plantains and the lettuce is gone. He looks around. OMG, someone stole his lettuce. He goes back to the veggies, gets lettuce again and notices that what he had grabbed as plantains were actually green bananas. He leaves the bananas and looks at a group of grandmas hovering the plantain section. He walks over and they are grabbing the last ones. The other stand there arms crossed to wait fro more to come out. He's outta there. No plantains for us today. He now goes to the coffee and bags 2 of those. In all of this he is seeing men walking around with stacks of meat on their shoulders, women with carts that have mountains of groceries that defy gravity. He's amazed at the chaos and the shouting going on amongst the shoppers and this is the child who goes Black Friday shopping.
He heads to the registers with his bag of lettuce, bag of coffee in one hand, bag of vino seco under his arm and 2 gallons of milk in the other hand. He figures its a toss up which register will move any faster than the other.
The checkout line crawls because the conveyor belt isn't long enough to hold all the purchases to empty the cart to refill with the bagged groceries. More yelling and chaos there. The person in front of him is a tad hard of hearing and the exchange between the cashier and patron is hard to not laugh at.
He finally gets home with his purchases and after we wipe the tears from our face from laughing so hard at his story he hopes we NEVER send him there again.
Too much fun!
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Never assume
There are tons of things that one (read: I) assume people just know. One for example, is not to assume because we all know what happens when you assume.
Black Friday shopping 20 and I witnessed an exchange and he just couldn't believe it. We were at a high end chain patiently waiting at the register. There were more employees in the store than shoppers. There may have been 3 shoppers or maybe 2 of them were together, I don't know and there were at least a dozen employees. No matter we waited at the register while let's call her NH for New Hire asked R (Register employee) for specifics on how to take a suit to the back to another employee to have it steamed for someone coming to pick it up in 1/2 an hour. R simply told her to hang it and take it back. NH didn't know where the hangers were. Did I mention that this was a clothing store? That is ALL they sell no housewares, no personal items just clothes and she didn't know where to get a hanger. R referred her to yet another employee to which NH replied that she had just sent her here. R smiles at us and tells us she will be right with us and walks over to a closet and gives her a suit hanger telling NH that its the only one she has and she needs to return it after it's steamed. I thought to myself, how is this guy taking it home? Is he going to wear it? NH proceeded to hang the jacket as R took our item to ring us up. Then NH asked do I need a hanger for the pants? The picture forming in my head is a la 3 stooges standing there holding the pants up getting them steamed and in the process being steamed themselves. R puts down our item and tells her no, you can hang it here and then shows her how to hang the pants and the jacket on the same hanger. NH's eyebrows hit the top of her hairline as she let out an Ohhhh!
We finally get rung up and walk out of the store as no less than 5 employees thank us for shopping there. I honestly had the urge to tell them to buy some hangers with the money I just gave them but I refrained. Once we made it to the mall 20 asked, "Was that for real? She didn't know how to hang the suit?" We both laughed as we recalled the truly stunned look on her face when she was shown how.
That evening over dinner we retell our story and 20 tells us a story of how he had to show a college buddy how to sweep and mop . We all laughed 17 not understanding what he had to teach and asked what the guy was studying. We all lost it when 20 told us the guy was studying engineering. Too funny!
Black Friday shopping 20 and I witnessed an exchange and he just couldn't believe it. We were at a high end chain patiently waiting at the register. There were more employees in the store than shoppers. There may have been 3 shoppers or maybe 2 of them were together, I don't know and there were at least a dozen employees. No matter we waited at the register while let's call her NH for New Hire asked R (Register employee) for specifics on how to take a suit to the back to another employee to have it steamed for someone coming to pick it up in 1/2 an hour. R simply told her to hang it and take it back. NH didn't know where the hangers were. Did I mention that this was a clothing store? That is ALL they sell no housewares, no personal items just clothes and she didn't know where to get a hanger. R referred her to yet another employee to which NH replied that she had just sent her here. R smiles at us and tells us she will be right with us and walks over to a closet and gives her a suit hanger telling NH that its the only one she has and she needs to return it after it's steamed. I thought to myself, how is this guy taking it home? Is he going to wear it? NH proceeded to hang the jacket as R took our item to ring us up. Then NH asked do I need a hanger for the pants? The picture forming in my head is a la 3 stooges standing there holding the pants up getting them steamed and in the process being steamed themselves. R puts down our item and tells her no, you can hang it here and then shows her how to hang the pants and the jacket on the same hanger. NH's eyebrows hit the top of her hairline as she let out an Ohhhh!
We finally get rung up and walk out of the store as no less than 5 employees thank us for shopping there. I honestly had the urge to tell them to buy some hangers with the money I just gave them but I refrained. Once we made it to the mall 20 asked, "Was that for real? She didn't know how to hang the suit?" We both laughed as we recalled the truly stunned look on her face when she was shown how.
That evening over dinner we retell our story and 20 tells us a story of how he had to show a college buddy how to sweep and mop . We all laughed 17 not understanding what he had to teach and asked what the guy was studying. We all lost it when 20 told us the guy was studying engineering. Too funny!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Just plug and go?
That was the first text I got. 19 has sent me a few texts including a picture of the settings on our iron asking for instructions. The boy is ironing his own shirt people! My money is on a girl being in this equation. LOL!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Lights... Camera... Action!
16 often has said that we need to be a reality TV show. A camera should just be following us. According to him, out lives are much funnier and more interesting that some of the reality shows he sees. I usually think that's just a testament to how much bad TV there is and he's watching it. But sometimes, there are moments that make me want to stop and yell, "Where's the camera?" just like he does.
I mean really. Let me just recap some of the stuff he says are TV worthy and you decide.
Do you make the girlscouts stop packing up their stuff and jump into the back of their pick-up truck to sell you a few (5) boxes of cookies before they leave?
Do you normally throw a surprise birthday dinner party for a friend and the guest of honor and later your son end up getting a haircut right there in your dinning room after Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles?
And isn't it normal to wear sunglasses on top of your prescription glasses? I mean you take off the contacts because your eyes are sore and itching because of a head cold. You don't have prescription sunglasses so, when you are driving you put your sunglasses right on top of the regular glasses. Normal, right?
Have you ever pulled out a load of clothes from the dryer and started folding and hanging them thinking, 'they smell a little funky' , only to realize that you "washed" them in the dryer not the washer. That's right, you basically dried your dirty clothes. I discovered it when I went to turn a shirt right side out and my hand got all full of gooey stuff that was the stain removerl I had applied before I thought I had put them in the washer.
Or have you ever gotten home sick from visiting family in the hospital and looked for the soup you asked hubby to order and think he forgot because you can't find any containers anywhere. You ask him as you serve yourself some juice and he says it's there on the table -not, on the counter? - not. He gets up and checks the fridge thinking your child put it away. But I ordered it, he insists. He opens the garbage- BINGO. There it is. The child who NEVER throws anything away, threw it away. So, you go to give said child a hard time about it and he's mortified and profusely apologizes but then starts laughing. You want to hear the best part?, he asks. Sure, why not can it get any better? When I picked it up to throw it out it was kinda heavy and I thought "Wow, they sent a lot of beans. But I just thought we order so often maybe they were just giving you some extra. (Background: They ordered from a local Cuban restaurant that always send a 'coffee cup' container with beans for the rice with each meal that always gets thrown out at my house because he doesn't eat them.) We laughed so hard, we cried.
And I am sure that when you have gone to see a family member in the hospital, the hospital has lost all their previous records and then as you recreate them the patient starts arguing that you are wrong. They insist they have allergies and you insist they don't. The hospital doesn't know who to believe because the patient is telling them that you are out to kill them for the inheritance. So, they make you sign paperwork waiving you right to sue them should any harm come to you beloved family member while in their care based on any medications they provide her. All this while said beloved person is yelling, "she just wants to kill me, but bad bugs don't die!" in a little sing songy nursery song way.
If these types of things didn't happen to you while you have been sick with a sore throat and the head cold from hell then good for you but that has been a glimpse of my life in the past 2 week.
Tell me all of that is normal...otherwise send over the camera crew. Gimme patience and TGIF!
I mean really. Let me just recap some of the stuff he says are TV worthy and you decide.
Do you make the girlscouts stop packing up their stuff and jump into the back of their pick-up truck to sell you a few (5) boxes of cookies before they leave?
Do you normally throw a surprise birthday dinner party for a friend and the guest of honor and later your son end up getting a haircut right there in your dinning room after Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles?
And isn't it normal to wear sunglasses on top of your prescription glasses? I mean you take off the contacts because your eyes are sore and itching because of a head cold. You don't have prescription sunglasses so, when you are driving you put your sunglasses right on top of the regular glasses. Normal, right?
Have you ever pulled out a load of clothes from the dryer and started folding and hanging them thinking, 'they smell a little funky' , only to realize that you "washed" them in the dryer not the washer. That's right, you basically dried your dirty clothes. I discovered it when I went to turn a shirt right side out and my hand got all full of gooey stuff that was the stain removerl I had applied before I thought I had put them in the washer.
Or have you ever gotten home sick from visiting family in the hospital and looked for the soup you asked hubby to order and think he forgot because you can't find any containers anywhere. You ask him as you serve yourself some juice and he says it's there on the table -not, on the counter? - not. He gets up and checks the fridge thinking your child put it away. But I ordered it, he insists. He opens the garbage- BINGO. There it is. The child who NEVER throws anything away, threw it away. So, you go to give said child a hard time about it and he's mortified and profusely apologizes but then starts laughing. You want to hear the best part?, he asks. Sure, why not can it get any better? When I picked it up to throw it out it was kinda heavy and I thought "Wow, they sent a lot of beans. But I just thought we order so often maybe they were just giving you some extra. (Background: They ordered from a local Cuban restaurant that always send a 'coffee cup' container with beans for the rice with each meal that always gets thrown out at my house because he doesn't eat them.) We laughed so hard, we cried.
And I am sure that when you have gone to see a family member in the hospital, the hospital has lost all their previous records and then as you recreate them the patient starts arguing that you are wrong. They insist they have allergies and you insist they don't. The hospital doesn't know who to believe because the patient is telling them that you are out to kill them for the inheritance. So, they make you sign paperwork waiving you right to sue them should any harm come to you beloved family member while in their care based on any medications they provide her. All this while said beloved person is yelling, "she just wants to kill me, but bad bugs don't die!" in a little sing songy nursery song way.
If these types of things didn't happen to you while you have been sick with a sore throat and the head cold from hell then good for you but that has been a glimpse of my life in the past 2 week.
Tell me all of that is normal...otherwise send over the camera crew. Gimme patience and TGIF!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Breakfast
I was scanning through things and I found a folder that I have with drafts of posts. It seems that I worked on some and never posted them. I will begin to do so. If they are repeats oh well, so sorry.
A while back I had breakfast at a neighborhood bakery. The novelty here was that it wasn't my neighborhood and it was on 8th street and 7th avenue in Miami near the car dealership where I took my car for service. Anyone who knows this area knows that it's in a very colorful neighborhood- Little Havana. My descriptions here won't do it justice but here goes nothing.
From the sidewalk when you look through the windows it just looks like a busy bakery selling morning pastries and coffees some for here and some to go as you hear the bells on the door jingle as it swings open letting customers come and go. The other thing you hear with the jingling which gets you going are clips of music. Music more suiting of a bar at 5:00 than a bakery at 9 in the morning. Salsa, Regeton. Fast paced, swing your hips music. I venture in. The music swallows me up and I realize that I am not just listening to the CD but to the waitresses singing. It's like I walked onto the set of a live musical but there are no props, it's all real.
There were all sorts of people sitting at the tables or at the counter eating everything from pastries and coffee, scrambled eggs and french fries to rice and beans. The 50-something year old Cuban man with his oversized beer belly, dockers that settle right under his paunch with a paisley dress shirt unbuttoned half way down to show his graying chest casually waiting for meat pastries and a cafe con leche at the counter. The couple in their 70's who were dressed in their Sunday best having obviously come from church. He held her chair to seat her and she held her pinky in the air as she drank her cortadito. The tired mom holding her head up with her hand leaning into the counter with maybe her sister or BF sitting at the counter with the 3 kids testing the spinablity of every stool. The old man nicely dressed out of style with his stately mother who walked in as if she were the Queen of Sheba. Her son actually dusted off the chair with -wait for it - his handkerchief before she sat down. The young guys coming in to get a days worth of food to put in the styrofoam cooler to go fishing and moi. I walked in with a book in my hand thinking I'd have a quite cafe con leche and read for a while. Right. There were people standing in "line" three deep at the counter and at the register. She took my order from 3 people back and told me to go ahead and sit, she'd bring it out. I found a seat at a table full of the plastic red baskets but no people so I piled them up, put them in a corner of the table and sat. The were men next to me that were arguing about sports, the stool testing kids were begging their mom for cookies, the waitresses were singing and here comes my Cafe con leche and there goes the pile of plastic baskets. The man asks me if I'm having breakfast, the "revoltillo" is the best in town. As far as I know Revoltillo is scrambled eggs, how good can it be. I smile and tell him maybe I'll try it. The waitress still singing and dancing as she comes over brings them a cafecito and he tells her I want to order food. I nod, order the scrambled eggs with bacon, potatoes and toast. Other waitress are sashaying by with pastries and coffees etc. Enter a group of teens looking like they haven't slept. Seemingly neighborhood kids that don't always pay/tip well. None of the waitress wanted to take their order and they all tried to pawn them off on each other. In comes a man with a belly like Santa and shirt 72 sizes too small and a toddler with the chubbiest face you can imagine. He sets the child down in front of the cookie display and the child begins to dance. The entire place stopped. You know those Visa checkcard commercials where everyone is busing along and then they stop cuz someone paid with a check. Well, this kid was the guy with the check. EVERYONE stopped to watch and he reveled in the spotlight. First boppin up and down then the head from side to side. When the largest of the waitresses comes out and gets on her knees and starts shimmying her shoulders towards him he does too. It was a hoot! The entire place started laughing. The song changed, people started hooting and hollering and applauding and the kids started giggling and life in the bakery resumed at its original pace. I got my order with ham not bacon, she apologized and asked if she had to change it. I told her not to bother. It was scrambled eggs with ham in it, a side of shoestring french fries a generous helping of Cuban bread slathered with butter and squashed to the thinness of my plate. The man was apparently waiting for me to try it. It was good. I told him. He smiled and left. It really was good. I asked her what they put in it. Butter. wow. I can't begin to tell you all the people that came into the place, the orders that were placed, that were gotten wrong and forgiven and eaten as it was. The kids got their cookies on the house and you could see mom was grateful as she counted out change to pay for the cafe con leche everyone had for breakfast. I paid for my breakfast and left a $20 tip for a $3.50 breakfast. The show was worth every penny. I had a blast.
A while back I had breakfast at a neighborhood bakery. The novelty here was that it wasn't my neighborhood and it was on 8th street and 7th avenue in Miami near the car dealership where I took my car for service. Anyone who knows this area knows that it's in a very colorful neighborhood- Little Havana. My descriptions here won't do it justice but here goes nothing.
From the sidewalk when you look through the windows it just looks like a busy bakery selling morning pastries and coffees some for here and some to go as you hear the bells on the door jingle as it swings open letting customers come and go. The other thing you hear with the jingling which gets you going are clips of music. Music more suiting of a bar at 5:00 than a bakery at 9 in the morning. Salsa, Regeton. Fast paced, swing your hips music. I venture in. The music swallows me up and I realize that I am not just listening to the CD but to the waitresses singing. It's like I walked onto the set of a live musical but there are no props, it's all real.
There were all sorts of people sitting at the tables or at the counter eating everything from pastries and coffee, scrambled eggs and french fries to rice and beans. The 50-something year old Cuban man with his oversized beer belly, dockers that settle right under his paunch with a paisley dress shirt unbuttoned half way down to show his graying chest casually waiting for meat pastries and a cafe con leche at the counter. The couple in their 70's who were dressed in their Sunday best having obviously come from church. He held her chair to seat her and she held her pinky in the air as she drank her cortadito. The tired mom holding her head up with her hand leaning into the counter with maybe her sister or BF sitting at the counter with the 3 kids testing the spinablity of every stool. The old man nicely dressed out of style with his stately mother who walked in as if she were the Queen of Sheba. Her son actually dusted off the chair with -wait for it - his handkerchief before she sat down. The young guys coming in to get a days worth of food to put in the styrofoam cooler to go fishing and moi. I walked in with a book in my hand thinking I'd have a quite cafe con leche and read for a while. Right. There were people standing in "line" three deep at the counter and at the register. She took my order from 3 people back and told me to go ahead and sit, she'd bring it out. I found a seat at a table full of the plastic red baskets but no people so I piled them up, put them in a corner of the table and sat. The were men next to me that were arguing about sports, the stool testing kids were begging their mom for cookies, the waitresses were singing and here comes my Cafe con leche and there goes the pile of plastic baskets. The man asks me if I'm having breakfast, the "revoltillo" is the best in town. As far as I know Revoltillo is scrambled eggs, how good can it be. I smile and tell him maybe I'll try it. The waitress still singing and dancing as she comes over brings them a cafecito and he tells her I want to order food. I nod, order the scrambled eggs with bacon, potatoes and toast. Other waitress are sashaying by with pastries and coffees etc. Enter a group of teens looking like they haven't slept. Seemingly neighborhood kids that don't always pay/tip well. None of the waitress wanted to take their order and they all tried to pawn them off on each other. In comes a man with a belly like Santa and shirt 72 sizes too small and a toddler with the chubbiest face you can imagine. He sets the child down in front of the cookie display and the child begins to dance. The entire place stopped. You know those Visa checkcard commercials where everyone is busing along and then they stop cuz someone paid with a check. Well, this kid was the guy with the check. EVERYONE stopped to watch and he reveled in the spotlight. First boppin up and down then the head from side to side. When the largest of the waitresses comes out and gets on her knees and starts shimmying her shoulders towards him he does too. It was a hoot! The entire place started laughing. The song changed, people started hooting and hollering and applauding and the kids started giggling and life in the bakery resumed at its original pace. I got my order with ham not bacon, she apologized and asked if she had to change it. I told her not to bother. It was scrambled eggs with ham in it, a side of shoestring french fries a generous helping of Cuban bread slathered with butter and squashed to the thinness of my plate. The man was apparently waiting for me to try it. It was good. I told him. He smiled and left. It really was good. I asked her what they put in it. Butter. wow. I can't begin to tell you all the people that came into the place, the orders that were placed, that were gotten wrong and forgiven and eaten as it was. The kids got their cookies on the house and you could see mom was grateful as she counted out change to pay for the cafe con leche everyone had for breakfast. I paid for my breakfast and left a $20 tip for a $3.50 breakfast. The show was worth every penny. I had a blast.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
I saw this over the weekend. Why did I like this movie? I have no idea but I thought it was funny. I actually laughed out loud! Fine. The 2 of you who know me are thinking that's not hard she'll laugh at anything. But see I don't laugh at these types of things. I don't but I did. Let's try this again. You know all those dumb TV shows out there like....I survived a Japanese game show. I can't handle that stuff. A few years back I commented to my family that if I owned a TV station I'd call it IBS for Idiot Broadcasting System and it would show all those dumb 'reality' shows. Remember Anna Nicole's show, I couldn't run that prime time because of content but it would certainly be a money maker. So the running joke when we see a commercial for one of these programs and I repeated get stunned that this makes for TV programming, they simply say "prime time for IBS!" I can't laugh at it. I just think it's too stupid. Anyway, the Harold & Kumar movie would for sure be a regular movie of the weekon IBS but the thing is I laughed. A Lot. I thought parts of it were downright hysterical. I mean come on when Doogie Howser steals the car, I was in tears laughing. And when Kumar shocks the Dean who's interviewing him with the phone conversation he's overhearing. I'm telling you, it's a hoot. Now I totally didn't get Napoleon Dynamite but Harold and Kumar are my kinds so stupid its funny.
What does this all have to do with food? Well, White Castle of course. I've never had a White Castle burger. Have you?
What does this all have to do with food? Well, White Castle of course. I've never had a White Castle burger. Have you?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Musical cards
You know that commercial that is playing now for Hallmark Father's Day cards. You know the one with the musical card that plays Can't Touch That by MC Hammer and the kids give it to the dad and he sees himself in Hammer's video. My household loves that commercial. It makes us laugh. So last night 15 asked us what song we would want in our card. The first song that popped into my head was Celebrate by Kool and the Gang. Remember that one?! It took hubby a while but he thinks he'd want something by the Bee Gees and the Staying Alive album.
What song would you want in a card celebrating you?
What song would you want in a card celebrating you?
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Breakfast of champions - NOT!
Monday I had an upper GI done. I don't wish this on anyone. Here's my story.
I'm the first appt. so this should go fast and easy. That was the only good part of the adventure. After donning the lovely hospital gown in the season's new fashion colors of white with blue dots, I follow Nurse Lovely to a room and remind her like I have told the other 72 people I spoke to before that I am allergic to Sulfur. Is this going to be ok? I don't know how I react, I have been told I am allergic to it since I was a kid. Neither she nor her boss who was eavesdropping have EVER heard of anyone having a reaction to this and well, if anything happens, I am in the hospital. On that note, I am served an Alka-Selter type liquid and told to down it like a shot. It will make me gassy but I am not to burp. Right. Fine. I chug it and momentarily proceed to expel gas from the other end. She said not to burp. I didn't. What's a girl gonna do? Run out of the room?
I had to stand on a platform I barely fit on holding a Styrofoam cup of a lovely vintage of chalky barium sulfate ready to drink some when she says go so that they can photograph it going down. Oh, yeah and I had to take off my glasses and so went the sense of balance with them over to the counter with the remainder of my breakfast of champions.
As the platform I was standing on started to move to the right I let out a scream. It was more like a yelp, and grabbed on to the contraption in front of me with my free hand - that was moving too. Although I can't see Nurse Lovely, I hear her explain that she needed to line me up for the x-ray. I raise my glass and tell her no problem go ahead. She then yells DRINK. I take a swig and have to hold it in my mouth until she yells swallow. Half an eternity later she yells SWALLOW. I gladly do to get that out of my mouth. I honestly feel like a an drinking liquid chalk. After a few more shots and turn this way and that. She comes over to take the cup from me (YEAH, I'm done) and tells me the table (that's what I was standing in front of) is going to go down. She hands me a pillow and instructs me to hold it so I don't hit my head. Don't hit my head? How am I going to hit my he-plunk! oh, that's where you wanted the pillow, so I wouldn't hit my head. I get it now. Now I am laying on the table and she tells me to roll over on my stomach. I do and proceed to pass more gas-logical if you ask me. I stuff my face into the pillow. she then hand me another cup of watered down chalk with a straw and tell me that when she yells DRINK I am to start drinking this stuff continuously so that can film it's progress. And now, roll a bit to the side, and repeat, and the other side, repeat.
Sit and wait for them to review the film. I just take some deep breaths and ask for water but I can't have any yet. Fine. I'll just sit here and breathe and pray thankful that I survived and that it really be over. Nurse Lovely comes out all bubbly and says the pictures are great (don't think they'll make my scrapbook) and I can go now. I have to drink plenty of water today because otherwise this stuff will harden in my intestines and block things up. More good news. YEAH. I ask her for my glasses, tell her I'm lightheaded and may I have some juice. She comes back with a bottle of water. I touch my face to make sure the glasses are on as I stare at the bottle and repeat, May I please have some juice, I really feel lightheaded. She doesn't have any. I audibly groan and think, We are in a friggin hospital! There are no little juices?! Fine. I will just sit here and breathe. She needs me to leave to bring in the next patient. Ahh...hello...need a little help here, I don't think I can make it back to my clothes on my own. Studly Aide to the rescue. When we get to the locker room he asks if I'm ok. Ahhh, someone cares. I a bit woozy. He disappears and comes back with a Coke. I smile at him as I start chugging it. Now, I haven't had a Coke in about a year and this tastes like liquid heaven. My eyes water as Studly tells me he will be back to help me downstairs after I change. He comes back and I'm still sitting where he left me. How long was he gone? I need more time? Lady, do you need help? I look around. It's just me I guess I'm the lady. I sure don't feel like one. He opens the locker and puts my clothes on the bench and disappears again. I pick up my pants and stick one foot in. Nurse Petite comes in. She has the coldest hands on the planet and puts one on each cheek and stares into my eyes and flashes something in them. How'd she do that if she was holding my face- WOW! They are talking to me now but too fast for me to understand and there are 2 of them and only one of me. They give me a shot and lay me down. OMG! What's are they going to do now? I don't care. I fall asleep. I wake up and see my clothes on the bench so I get dressed. I feel a little lightheaded and thirsty. Studly comes in all happy to see me awake. I've never seen anyone react like that to a GI! Like what? It's like you were high or something. We gave you a shot of blah blah blah and blah blah. When he stopped blahing I told him to please tell Nurse Lovely and her boss since apparently this never happens to anyone. He laughs (he really has a pretty face too) and as we walk to the elevator he tells me, you know you asked me to marry you, then said never mind you had a husband then you told me that you'd name you firstborn after me and then said never mind you already had kids. Then apparently I suggested that he name his firstborn after me. He said all this laughing so I did too. For goodness sake I could be his mother! Well, at least I have good taste I tell him as we make our way to a coffee shop. He tells me this is one that he'll be talking about for years. GREAT. He leaves me there, feeling embarrassed but ok. I have some coffee and juice. Sit quietly and drink it all up, call my office to have someone come pick me up and spend the rest of the day a little foggy but ok.
I survived and now I know what my allergy to Sulfur is like. Gimme patience.
I'm the first appt. so this should go fast and easy. That was the only good part of the adventure. After donning the lovely hospital gown in the season's new fashion colors of white with blue dots, I follow Nurse Lovely to a room and remind her like I have told the other 72 people I spoke to before that I am allergic to Sulfur. Is this going to be ok? I don't know how I react, I have been told I am allergic to it since I was a kid. Neither she nor her boss who was eavesdropping have EVER heard of anyone having a reaction to this and well, if anything happens, I am in the hospital. On that note, I am served an Alka-Selter type liquid and told to down it like a shot. It will make me gassy but I am not to burp. Right. Fine. I chug it and momentarily proceed to expel gas from the other end. She said not to burp. I didn't. What's a girl gonna do? Run out of the room?
I had to stand on a platform I barely fit on holding a Styrofoam cup of a lovely vintage of chalky barium sulfate ready to drink some when she says go so that they can photograph it going down. Oh, yeah and I had to take off my glasses and so went the sense of balance with them over to the counter with the remainder of my breakfast of champions.
As the platform I was standing on started to move to the right I let out a scream. It was more like a yelp, and grabbed on to the contraption in front of me with my free hand - that was moving too. Although I can't see Nurse Lovely, I hear her explain that she needed to line me up for the x-ray. I raise my glass and tell her no problem go ahead. She then yells DRINK. I take a swig and have to hold it in my mouth until she yells swallow. Half an eternity later she yells SWALLOW. I gladly do to get that out of my mouth. I honestly feel like a an drinking liquid chalk. After a few more shots and turn this way and that. She comes over to take the cup from me (YEAH, I'm done) and tells me the table (that's what I was standing in front of) is going to go down. She hands me a pillow and instructs me to hold it so I don't hit my head. Don't hit my head? How am I going to hit my he-plunk! oh, that's where you wanted the pillow, so I wouldn't hit my head. I get it now. Now I am laying on the table and she tells me to roll over on my stomach. I do and proceed to pass more gas-logical if you ask me. I stuff my face into the pillow. she then hand me another cup of watered down chalk with a straw and tell me that when she yells DRINK I am to start drinking this stuff continuously so that can film it's progress. And now, roll a bit to the side, and repeat, and the other side, repeat.
Sit and wait for them to review the film. I just take some deep breaths and ask for water but I can't have any yet. Fine. I'll just sit here and breathe and pray thankful that I survived and that it really be over. Nurse Lovely comes out all bubbly and says the pictures are great (don't think they'll make my scrapbook) and I can go now. I have to drink plenty of water today because otherwise this stuff will harden in my intestines and block things up. More good news. YEAH. I ask her for my glasses, tell her I'm lightheaded and may I have some juice. She comes back with a bottle of water. I touch my face to make sure the glasses are on as I stare at the bottle and repeat, May I please have some juice, I really feel lightheaded. She doesn't have any. I audibly groan and think, We are in a friggin hospital! There are no little juices?! Fine. I will just sit here and breathe. She needs me to leave to bring in the next patient. Ahh...hello...need a little help here, I don't think I can make it back to my clothes on my own. Studly Aide to the rescue. When we get to the locker room he asks if I'm ok. Ahhh, someone cares. I a bit woozy. He disappears and comes back with a Coke. I smile at him as I start chugging it. Now, I haven't had a Coke in about a year and this tastes like liquid heaven. My eyes water as Studly tells me he will be back to help me downstairs after I change. He comes back and I'm still sitting where he left me. How long was he gone? I need more time? Lady, do you need help? I look around. It's just me I guess I'm the lady. I sure don't feel like one. He opens the locker and puts my clothes on the bench and disappears again. I pick up my pants and stick one foot in. Nurse Petite comes in. She has the coldest hands on the planet and puts one on each cheek and stares into my eyes and flashes something in them. How'd she do that if she was holding my face- WOW! They are talking to me now but too fast for me to understand and there are 2 of them and only one of me. They give me a shot and lay me down. OMG! What's are they going to do now? I don't care. I fall asleep. I wake up and see my clothes on the bench so I get dressed. I feel a little lightheaded and thirsty. Studly comes in all happy to see me awake. I've never seen anyone react like that to a GI! Like what? It's like you were high or something. We gave you a shot of blah blah blah and blah blah. When he stopped blahing I told him to please tell Nurse Lovely and her boss since apparently this never happens to anyone. He laughs (he really has a pretty face too) and as we walk to the elevator he tells me, you know you asked me to marry you, then said never mind you had a husband then you told me that you'd name you firstborn after me and then said never mind you already had kids. Then apparently I suggested that he name his firstborn after me. He said all this laughing so I did too. For goodness sake I could be his mother! Well, at least I have good taste I tell him as we make our way to a coffee shop. He tells me this is one that he'll be talking about for years. GREAT. He leaves me there, feeling embarrassed but ok. I have some coffee and juice. Sit quietly and drink it all up, call my office to have someone come pick me up and spend the rest of the day a little foggy but ok.
I survived and now I know what my allergy to Sulfur is like. Gimme patience.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Gotta Laugh!
Ok, I am SO not feeling this today. I have a headache and other pains I won't go into cuz why complain. So I stole this from Blog, Blah, Blah to make me laugh and give you something to do. You know you want to know your sexy name...go get it and let me know!
Friday, August 10, 2007
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
There is nothing going on that you (or me) are interest in. Things are just plain boring right now. So, I am stealing this from an email I got from a friend for your entertainment.
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. 8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@! YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
I thought this was clever and funny. Enjoy your weekend. Mine will be stressed full of getting my boys ready for back to school. Sunday will be nice a play with friends and dinner with others. I'll tell you ALL about it later. Plus tonight I will finish my book...hmmm what shall I read next...
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. 8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@! YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
I thought this was clever and funny. Enjoy your weekend. Mine will be stressed full of getting my boys ready for back to school. Sunday will be nice a play with friends and dinner with others. I'll tell you ALL about it later. Plus tonight I will finish my book...hmmm what shall I read next...
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Numbers don't lie
I don't know who has the time to come up with this stuff but I thought it was funny. Hope you enjoy...
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)