Today would have been my mother's 64th birthday. WOW! Obviously, I never think of my mother older. Whenever I think about her and "put her in" the picture of my current life events I picture her as she was even before she got sick. Because once she was sick she depending on the stage was either very gaunt or very bloated; I don't see that in my minds' eye. So, to think that should would have been 64, I can't imagine what that would look like. That's not true I guess, because she'd probably look like a thinner version of my grandmother 20 years ago. The three of us look so much a like, that would probably be a pretty sure bet.
So, today I get a little misty because I think of how she missed having grandchildren (and they having her) and I know she would have loved spoiling them and making them all kinds of crap they don't need. I know this because she did it for her kids so it would only have multiplied for her grankids. She wanted boys. Her first words when I was born were "Damn, I wanted a boy!". So she would have been very happy with my two boys. No, I am not making that up, it's in my baby book. But at the same time I know she would have loved my niece because she's a girly girl. She loves her dresses and frilly girly things. I had all that because my mother tried but it just wasn't me.
Thanksgiving is always tough for me because it was our favorite holiday which makes me think about her a lot and inevitably I put her in the picture of my events. I will be baking and cooking with her in mind. Heck, she's why I make apple pie every year.
In so many ways, I am like her (and yet not like her). Of course, there was a time in my life that comparison used to bother the hell out of me. Now, I welcome it. So, today mom, I will be baking your pie and making the American side dishes you loved so much: sweet potato casserole and fresh cranberry sauce. I know Thanksgiving Eve is the one day that you will be in heaven's kitchen cooking and baking. I can hear you bitching about it from here and dad telling you not to do it and you telling him that you have to because its the way you make lasting memories. LOL! It worked, mom, we remember. My brother is cooking too for the holiday. Last year he called me for pie tips. I remember them all and passed them on.
Happy Birthday mom! Still miss you.