REmembering

I have been watching my son get around on crutches for weeks now. He broke his foot in September and had surgery to put 2 screws in and has been crutching around ever since. He's been such a good trooper. Hasn't missed a thing. He's gone to all his classes, all his frat meetings, all his school events and all his family happenings. He only missed things on the day of and the day after the surgery. I know he's tired of asking for help and rides and having to coordinate things and depend on other people and I hope that he will be good as new soon. Next week he goes back to the surgeon and hopefully gets a boot and will be allowed to start putting some weight on his foot.

It made me remember when I started high school with 2, yes two, sprained ankles. I would alternate which foot I would rest as I crutched around school too. I know what he's going through. Pobrecito.

PS. I know to crutch is not a verb but we've turned it into one at home. It really makes sense as a verb to me. So, just move on people. Let it go.

Blah!

I woke up this morning and was in a fog.
The fog isn't outside, sadly, its in my head.
I am all stuffed up and congested.
And I get to go on a plane ride tomorrow.
Oh the joy of stuffy head and pressure of thousands of feet in the air.
Yeah, me!

Look Up (a.k.a. Don't Look Down)

My house has been a busy busy hub of activity lately. Hubby is once again on a business trip and so I am with the boys trying to get everything done. All of the must do's and wanna do's plus the relax and enjoy stuff too.

So far I think I am doing pretty good. All the things that needed to get paid have been paid, I've attended all the family functions including an impromptu visit from my dad taking us to dinner for my bday and the washing is done and all the groceries and I even went to an exercise class (more on that later) and the pool is clean. The only thing that hasn't been done are the floors which brings me to the title of this post.

I'm thinking that its ok for a bit because we should be looking up and not down, right? Work with me people, looking down is always considered a bit depressing. You're down and out and told to chin up etc. If looking down doesn't bring you down then it most certainly will if you look down while visiting my home because the floors have not been cleaned everything else has and so something had to give. I actually had a bit of time and did the bathroom floors but didn't have time for the whole house because ya know it's a bigger area and takes a block of time that I just haven't had. Everything I have done has been in spurts with a little here and a little there until it all gets done.

I don't know how the floors are even going to get done because my calendar doesn't have any white space until Friday night and who the heck I ask you wants to spend their Friday night cleaning floors? Certainly, not I but I may have to because if I don't I may not only be able to look down but I may not be able to look at myself in the mirror. *sigh*

A/C CPR

Does anyone know how to perform CPR on a air conditioning unit? All I know how to do is turn it off and on and that's not working. ;)

The only room that still has a ceiling fan is 20s. Guess where I'm sleeping? I borrowed a couple of desk top fans from a friend and now the 3 of us each have one to take around the house and use as we like.

I'm waiting for the repairman to come this afternoon. I hope it's something simple. Actually, more than that I hope its something cheap because I need my air conditioning. This is NOT a luxury.

Happy Mon - I mean Happy Tuesday

I know it's Tuesday. Well, my brain knows it's Tuesday but my body feels and is acting like it's Monday. It's dragging. And I worked yesterday so there is really no excuse for it. I shouldn't be dragging at all. I should be gearing up for mid-week.

It's not as if yesterday (the real Monday) was particularly stressful. It wasn't. It was perfectly normal and productive at work. Probably because we were one of only a handful of offices working. I stayed in bed an extra 5 whole minutes because I figured there wouldn't be any traffic. Indeed there was no traffic and I got to work 10 minutes early. I got a prime parking spot. Coffee was ready when I got here. I was even surprised with a piece of King Cake on my desk to enjoy with my morning cup. My dad called and was in the neighborhood so he picked me up for lunch which was lovely. I got home (again no traffic) in no time at all to no surprises and dinner with 17 was very nice. You see. Perfectly normal and nice. Hmmm...maybe that's the problem. Monday didn't act like Monday.

This morning I woke up startled. I don't know why the alarm hadn't even rung yet. I checked the time and notice that I was out of breath. I focus and take a deep breath and I think 17 overslept! Why did I think that - I don't know. So I text him as I walk to him room down the hall. Does any of this make sense? You let me know because I don't understand. He's not in his room -quick intake of breath- I hit send on the text 'RU@ school' I get a 'yea?' back and just respond 'K'. I am still standing in the hallway and I'm short of breath. I slowly go back to my room taking slow deliberate breaths and start the morning routine. I dress and get to the kitchen and decide I should have tea to relax me not coffee. I still feel off kilter. I let the dog out and turn on the TV and take my bowl of cereal and cup of tea to the table.

I get to work and everything seems fine but I still feel a bit off somehow. The phone rings, its about 9:30. I answer 'Good afternoon'. The caller laughs and tells me I'm jumping the gun a bit. HAHAHA. I transfer the call and realize I didn't take anything out for dinner and I left my lunch in the car. I get my lunch which was weekend leftovers and see Mr. Brown - you know the delivery guy- I sign for the package so he doesn't have to go up and he tells me I don't look too good and asks if I'm OK. I tell him it feels like Monday. He tells me that 2 Mondays is not good to go get some more coffee. In the ladies room I look at myself and think who's that in the mirror? I am very pale and my hair is the definition of bad hair day. What is my problem!?

To be honest the day hasn't gotten much better. I have been struggling with a thing for a client most of the day. I've got the beginnings of a headache and did I tell you I forgot to defrost something for dinner. I guess we'll have mac n cheese. And I can't even tell you how hard it has been to type this entry. My fingers are hitting the keys they want in stead of the keys that are needed to form proper words and coherent writing. I think I am going to stop now. I think when I get home I should just crawl into bed and let it all be over.
Two Mondays are not a good thing!

Note added: OMG the spell check found 15 errors! on top of all the ones I corrected along the way! Bad day. Bad bad day.

Green, not my best color

The other day I was asked if I was jealous of anyone. I said no because really I'm not. Why should I be jealous, everyone has problems. The grass may look greener on the other side but its fertilized the same way if you get my drift.

But today I am jealous. I am jealous of all of those and apparently there are many who are on vacation right now and I have to work. Yeah, yeah I'm grateful I have a job, happy to cash that paycheck yadda yadda. But let me tell you I got to work today in like 6 minutes. Why? Because it seems there are only a handful of us still working this holiday everyone else is on vacation!

So, today I am jealous of those on vacation while I am here working. I could be home making macaroons. *sigh*

Sew Easy, NOT!

I am almost ready to give up. It is not coming to me. I have been trying off and on for months now. I have stitched, ripped and re-stitched I don't know how many seams. I have bought books, I have read instructions online, I have bought kits of things to make "in an hour" and worked on it forEVER to only end up trashing it. I have taken apart things I no longer fit in and not been able to put them back together. I am NOT getting this and I don't know why and I am getting very frustrated.
I was originally giving quite a few gifts sewn by moi for Christmas this year. So far, I have thrown out 4 and actually finished 1! I am going to do my darnedest to try and finish another one tonight. And then I think I will put the sewing machine away maybe forever or at least until I can take a class which at the rate I am going could be forever from now.
I keep being told that it's easy. Well, it's only easy if you know how to do it and I don't know how, so it's hard!
Gimme patience!

Nekkid

I feel like I walked out of the house partially undressed. I feel like I forgot to put my pants on. I feel a little lost. I feel a bit off centered.

I forgot my cell phone which is a 'smart phone'; a blackberry. It's my connection to my kids to my friends to everything. I may have to drive home at lunchtime to get it because unknowingly it has become a major part of me.

Or maybe I should leave it. Maybe I should try to live a day or part of a day without it. I am sure the world will not come to an end. I have a feeling the earth will continue rotating and the sun will still set and rise.

I still feel a bit out of sorts.

Prediction

It's going to be gray and rain lots and lots on Sunday.

No I am not a Weather channel junkie. I have a headache. I have my bad weather is coming headache. It's like an allergy almost. I get it only when the front is coming in. I will be fine once the front gets here. I really can't explain it. It's a very specific pain and no amount of pain killers makes it go away completely. They can make it better but not gone. I just have to wait it out.

So that's been my day today. I shoulda been a weather bunny....

Head fog

I have been sick as a dog for days. I am so congested! It hurt to even turn my head on the pillow. Yesterday I couldn't even open my eyes. Everything from my nose up was just plain stuffed and sore. I am marginally better today. Still stuffed but not as sore and therefore able to drag myself to work to catch-up and then rest this weekend.

Rest - hah! I have the CLAST exam to take tomorrow morning. May the math gods smile down on me tomorrow morning. Of all the weekends...oh, well, it is what it is. The entire test is like 41/2 hours so I'll take a few pencils, a box of tissues and many cough drops and hope for the best.

Then Sunday I will have to go see my grandmother for our weekly visit because well because she's my GM and I have to. enough said.

In between all that I hope to get some rest and plenty of fluids so that I can be ready for next week and catch-up with everything I missed this week. Gimme patience!

It's time.

16 and I had our first evening alone. I know we weren't alone we were together but you know what I mean. No hubby. He's never been on a business trip. I have. I have never been at home on my own for any extended period of time until now. I'm thinking it's about time. I did live by myself before we were married but that was a lifetime ago.


16 specifically asked me NOT to wake him in the morning. He says he looses approx. 3 or 4 minutes of sleep every morning because hubby wakes him up on the way to the kitchen. I agreed to let him get up on his own if he let me get up on my own. Cool deal.


I showered in the evening and so I was going to be able to sleep a little longer in the morning. I set my alarms for 6:15 and 6:30am. All's good. I easily went to sleep as usual around midnight and slept like a baby until... I dunno what time it was but it wasn't 6:15 yet!

This morning hubby's horridly loud alarm went off. I don't know what time it was because I don't sleep with my glasses on and couldn't see the clock. ARGHHH! I forgot to turn of hubby's alarm clock and it rang earlier than I needed, I smacked it on the top. Quiet, good, sleep. And it rang again. Oh, for the love of down pillows!, I banged it again. Quiet, good, deep breathe, try to sleep, and it rang again! Apparently, banging it on the top merely activates the snooze setting and it kept ringing every 9 minutes until I finally pulled the plug out of the wall. Ahhh, now I could sleep again. NOT! It was now actually time for me to get up because MY alarm now rang. Fine! Whatever! I was getting a headache anyway from all the alarms ringing.

For the past two weeks I've been dealing with not-fun stuff that I think may be coming to an end.

GM, as you know has a number of medical issues and is slightly cantankerous (because it would not be nice to say bitchy now, would it) in her ways. Anyway, since her last hospital visit in December she has been clamoring loudly that she will never go back to the hospital again. We are to leave her alone and let her die. That's all well and good but she lives in an ALF (Assisted Living Facility) that will loose their license if they don't provide and seek her medical attention when required. She doesn't care. So, we explained to her there are certain programs (not writing their name, to not get the hits) that we can enroll her in that will allow her to remain at the ALF and not go to the hospital. They will some to her to treat her and make her comfortable. She was all for it! And so the coordination began. A swarm of people come to evaluate her. She tells them so many wild stories that if I wrote them down, I swear I'd have a best seller. One of my personal favorites is that they have to get her well enough because she is leaving the US and going to live in Cuba. She's leaving in 3 weeks. He believed her and did not approve her for the program. I try again, she tells him that she has a personal therapist come to the house to train with her every day. She has to be able to walk because she is going to Spain to see the Olympics that her great-grandson will be running in. She promptly stood up BY HER SELF and walked from the bedroom to the living room to prove it. Everyone at the ALF was stunned because she hasn't done that before or since. She won't even walk to the bathroom! She wasn't approved. So, here we go try #3. The man calls me while he's visiting.
Man: "She seems a little confused. Talking to me about living in Cuba and not having any tubes put in."
Me: "Yes, she is confused. She's not going anywhere that's why I want her in the program."
Man: "So, she isn't picked up every day and taken to therapy, the bank and then lunch with friends?"
Me: "She is only taken to the bathroom. She goes no where outside the house. WE have to convince her to sit in the back yard."
Man: "So, you are not trying to hook her up to machines and keep her alive to steal and live off of her money."
Me: "I'm not hooking her up to anything. There is no money, her income pays for the ALF and the prepay plan for her funeral. There is literally a balance $1.11 in her bank account today."
Man: "She already signed all my paperwork. I've approved her. Tomorrow the nurse will come and the next day the Minister will come to evaluate her."
Me: "Thank you so much. Does a Minister HAVE to evaluate her? She may not be very nice to him. I'm not sure how ell that will go."

Yesterday the Minister went. I spoke to him first. He called me after and told me that she was everything I said she was. She told that man of the cloth that he was stupid living a lie all his life and believing in that foolishness. We were all going to die and that was it. There was no God because if there was children would never die and her daughter would still be alive. She would be dead because she has been wanting to die since the day her daughter died. Of there were a God she would not be suffering this way. When he tried to explain the whole why God allows suffering, she threw him out of the place. I apologized but I don't think he'll be back. He did agree that she needed help and gratefully approved her for the program.

As far as I know one more person has to go and then we are all approved. It's been exhausting. Gimem patience.

Shovelling

No, I'm not shovelling snow like they are in some parts, that's exhausting I know. But I am tired of shovelling crap!

I feel like everything is falling apart because I dunno. It is! There's the big stuff like the country, the economy, the healthcare system (I use the term loosely), my 401k those big picture things that affect my little picture over here in fake America. Have I mentioned that evey time I hear "Real America" I want to throw something and scream like a banshee. I apparently am fake and then I thought about it and ya know, I am. I keep pretending that everything is OK. That its all peaches and cream. That it's going to work out. Well, ya know what. I don't feel that way most of the time but I past a smile on my face, take a deep breath and march on and do my best to keep my panties from bunching up. See, fake.

So, over here in fake America, I have no clue how my property taxes are going to get paid. I'll just wait for a bag of money to fall out of the sky or maybe I can get a piece of the bailout. The money that was going to be used for that is being spent on repairing the car. Yes, the car. 16 was side swipped and the asswipe that hit him took off. I know. Look at the positive that effin silver lining. 16 is fine, he wasn't hurt. Trust me I am truly grateful. But DAMN! and the laptop no longer connects to the internet because the I dunno what card died and we had to order a new one. And a piece of my bathtub chipped off. That's right, the bathtub. I covered it with duck tape and have proceeded to ignore it because frankly I can't afford a new tub and De Nile is more than river in Egypt. My dog is having some issues that will not be resolved because no mula for a vet. Sorry, Max. GM is back in the hospital again. I am having so many issues with her that its not even funny. That's her third visit THIS month. She has 2 bank accounts, I sign on neither, we only have a checkbook for one of them. Her SS check goes to the one I don't have the checkbook for. Her pension checks go to the other one. I have no clue how the ALF where she is living is going to get paid for November because she won't tell the bank over the phone that she needs new checks. And she won't tell SS to change her direct deposit to the 2nd bank. The missing checkbook is in the hands of a previous caretaker who is not returning my calls. I canceled the ATM card which she had also given her with her PIN # of course.
And I wonder why I don't sleep. It's not like I have any worries, right. And a good friend just got laid off. I know that's not my problem but it just sucks ya know. And I will be worried about her and her family because well, we're friends.
And of course I want 18 to come home for the holidays duh!, even though I don't know when that will be exactly and the thought of looking for airfare makes we want to throw up. And in case you haven't heard, the holidays are coming. 18s gift may just be his ticket home. That sucks! I'm working my ass off at the office. The other secretary retired 4 months ago and has only been here part time since June. They haven't hired anyone, they haven't told her to train me on what she does and so when she's not here I am going through hell trying to figure things out by trial and error and stay on top of everything. It sucks!
Everything just seems so friggin hard. Nothing just works out and is easy or relaxed. Everything is a struggle, a hassle, a haggle, a problem that needs solving and I am tired of all the finagling.
So Happy Halloween! I'm going to a party at a friends house. When they ask me what I am, I'll tell them - a fake American struggling with life. Boo!

They fly!

Ants fly. Did you know that? Science was never my stong suit. Specifically, they are called Carpenter ants and they fly and we have them. We have had them for quite some time. We hired an exterminator and he has been doing his darndest but they keep coming back. Over the months we have been able to figure out where they are coming from. It took some doing. They are coming down through the attic and the light fixture in 18s room. He has a fan and they are coming through there.
We always had a greater concentration in his room and the office next door. Both of these rooms face the front of the house and we all presumed that they were somehow coming in through the windows, from the outside somehow. 18 always had a bunch of dead ones on his window sill. Then a couple on months ago, I actually saw one coming out of the fan's motor compartment. OMG! I freaked out. Well, they were back last week. I am sparing you pictures because I don't like bugs and don't want any on my blog. YUCK! So, we called the exterminator again and this time he sprayed in the attic. We shall see how that goes. If it doesn't last then, the next step is to fog the attic. I hope the are gone. I realize they are harmless but they are oversized flying ants. 'nuf said. YUCK!