Shovelling

No, I'm not shovelling snow like they are in some parts, that's exhausting I know. But I am tired of shovelling crap!

I feel like everything is falling apart because I dunno. It is! There's the big stuff like the country, the economy, the healthcare system (I use the term loosely), my 401k those big picture things that affect my little picture over here in fake America. Have I mentioned that evey time I hear "Real America" I want to throw something and scream like a banshee. I apparently am fake and then I thought about it and ya know, I am. I keep pretending that everything is OK. That its all peaches and cream. That it's going to work out. Well, ya know what. I don't feel that way most of the time but I past a smile on my face, take a deep breath and march on and do my best to keep my panties from bunching up. See, fake.

So, over here in fake America, I have no clue how my property taxes are going to get paid. I'll just wait for a bag of money to fall out of the sky or maybe I can get a piece of the bailout. The money that was going to be used for that is being spent on repairing the car. Yes, the car. 16 was side swipped and the asswipe that hit him took off. I know. Look at the positive that effin silver lining. 16 is fine, he wasn't hurt. Trust me I am truly grateful. But DAMN! and the laptop no longer connects to the internet because the I dunno what card died and we had to order a new one. And a piece of my bathtub chipped off. That's right, the bathtub. I covered it with duck tape and have proceeded to ignore it because frankly I can't afford a new tub and De Nile is more than river in Egypt. My dog is having some issues that will not be resolved because no mula for a vet. Sorry, Max. GM is back in the hospital again. I am having so many issues with her that its not even funny. That's her third visit THIS month. She has 2 bank accounts, I sign on neither, we only have a checkbook for one of them. Her SS check goes to the one I don't have the checkbook for. Her pension checks go to the other one. I have no clue how the ALF where she is living is going to get paid for November because she won't tell the bank over the phone that she needs new checks. And she won't tell SS to change her direct deposit to the 2nd bank. The missing checkbook is in the hands of a previous caretaker who is not returning my calls. I canceled the ATM card which she had also given her with her PIN # of course.
And I wonder why I don't sleep. It's not like I have any worries, right. And a good friend just got laid off. I know that's not my problem but it just sucks ya know. And I will be worried about her and her family because well, we're friends.
And of course I want 18 to come home for the holidays duh!, even though I don't know when that will be exactly and the thought of looking for airfare makes we want to throw up. And in case you haven't heard, the holidays are coming. 18s gift may just be his ticket home. That sucks! I'm working my ass off at the office. The other secretary retired 4 months ago and has only been here part time since June. They haven't hired anyone, they haven't told her to train me on what she does and so when she's not here I am going through hell trying to figure things out by trial and error and stay on top of everything. It sucks!
Everything just seems so friggin hard. Nothing just works out and is easy or relaxed. Everything is a struggle, a hassle, a haggle, a problem that needs solving and I am tired of all the finagling.
So Happy Halloween! I'm going to a party at a friends house. When they ask me what I am, I'll tell them - a fake American struggling with life. Boo!