With a headache and bleary-eyed I am drafting this before I head to work. I'm not sure how much I slept last night. I know that I dozed off and on but it feels like I only slept a few minutes before that dang alarm rang this morning.
Coffee with some girlfriends last night was serendipitous. Earlier in the evening to be honest I didn't feel like going but I was giving someone else a ride and felt quasi-obligated. Our conversation went around to paranormal and to funerals and the passing of ourselves and loved one - without me telling any of them about the funk I have been in nor of the correlation that hit me about my mother's death and age. I hugged them and told then that it had been cathartic our coffee time together. Truly I already felt a little better. I felt lighter, a bit at peace. I don't know why. There were no new revelations about anything, no insights garnered. Just talking and listening to my girlfriends. It was good. I was, and am, very glad I went.
I then went home and just let my thoughts wander and roam backwards and forwards in time (mostly backward) and I cried. And cried. I dozed. And I cried.
This morning. It's hard to explain. I am tired, drained but at the same time lighter. It's the oddest thing. My head is throbbing in pain but I feel relief at the same time.
When I got to the office I sent an email to advise that soon I was taking a day off for some more doctor appointments. As I typed out the email I realized the appointments are on the anniversary of my mother's passing. A chill went up my spine and then I started laughing, the irony is not lost on me at all. I think it is more on the freaky side of things but there ya go.
So, how this all explains the way I've been feeling? I dunno. How do I get past all this? I dunno. One day at a time, I guess. Gimme patience and thank God for my girlfriends who were there for me and didn't even know it.