Hubby and I have been having some ups and downs or I guess it would be better described as down and ups with the ups never quite coming back up to speed. Anyway, I am exhausted mentally and emotionally this morning because yesterday we had one of those talks. You know the ones, the ones where you talk/rant/cry for hours. I'm so drained. I hope some good comes out of it. We've basically agreed to give it (read:us) one more try. He even set a deadline. One Year. So a year from now we will either be happy/content enough to be forever or we will separate and move on.
I realize that we have said this type of thing before. We have said that we are going to try certain things and it never lasts very long. But this time the difference is that there's a finite end, a finish line if you will at which time progress will be measured. See, hubby is a numbers guy and it may help if he has those concrete things, tangible goals, dates etc. Let's see how this experiment in us goes. You may hear about it, you may not. It depends on my mood.
I don't expect everything to be peaches and cream all the time. Honest, that's not my expectation of a marriage. I know that nothing can maintain a perpetual high. And I am not blaming hubby for the way things are. I acknowledge my part in this dance and so I am going to do what he asks and give it this year of reconnecting -- it takes two to tango.
Maybe I'll start this afternoon by letting him in on my words for the year: comfort & joy. Today I wish I had a few more hours of sleep to recharge from last night.